Written by: Rose Posée
In a world full of mixed signals and messages, getting consent is an increasingly difficult ideology that gets too many people in trouble. Porn sites are required to have form 2257 on file for everyone who appears in their videos or photos and anyone who has ever filled one out can tell you that one of the least sexy things you can do it fill out a form saying “I consent to this person fucking me” just before becoming intimate.
While this is something that sex workers and anyone in the adult industry is well aware of, fans and consumers aren’t always informed with the latest paperwork and it’s important to make consent sexy to viewers if we want to see them acting out their favorite porn videos in a completely consensual way. If we, as an industry, make getting and giving consent look hot, we can make the process mainstream and normalized so that ethical porn becomes as commonplace as buying milk at the grocery store.
What makes consent sexy in the moment?
This is the root question when preparing to create a moment of erotic consent. People usually assume that someone who flirts with them is consenting to sex, but this isn’t always the case, especially when signals are crossed, and people confuse being nice or being friendly with flirting.
When we make consent itself sexy, we normalize people being forthcoming with sexual desires, as well as reciprocating that desire. It feels amazing to be sexually attracted to someone and having them be enthusiastically attracted to you, as well. When you touch their arm or hand and they touch yours, as well, when you lean in for a kiss and they close their eyes and lean into you, when you kiss their neck and their body melts into yours – it’s a magical feeling of mutual attraction that makes the moment of sex that much more exciting. Even a whispered “yes” is huge turn-on to most and is an erotic word of consent in the most intimate moments.
Sound like a lover, not like a transaction.
This is where many people have trouble with the practical application of gaining consent. People are so afraid of sounding like they are preparing to make a business trade and losing the mood that they dive into the physical aspects of sex without actually asking if this is what their partner wants. This is an easy hurdle to overcome, though, by simply changing the tone of voice. Instead of saying, “Let’s bang,” in a matter-of-fact tone like you’re ordering sushi, lower your voice to a husky whisper and say, “I want to be inside you,” or, “I want you inside me”. The sentiment should garner a yes or no response from your partner and things can happen organically from there.
There are also various ways to make consent a sort of sensual game that asks your partner to do certain things if they consent. One of the most popular methods is the phrase, “tell me what you want,” and then acting it out. It becomes a dirty-talk-turned-physical sort of scenario that establishes consent in a way that turns on anyone involved.
The simple acts of changing your tone or turning things into a seductive game can make a world of difference. It creates those boundaries of consensual actions without detracting from the intimacy of the situation and normalizes gaining consent without making it feel awkward.
Sexy, seductive, and erotic ways to enjoy consent.
If you need ideas on sexy ways to get consent, here are a few ways to get started. Just remember that getting consent and hearing that a partner wants you as much as you want them is sexier than a lack of consent will ever be.
-> Tell Me
Have your partner tell you exactly where to touch them and what to do as a Domination/ submission style game.
-> Hot and Cold
Just like the blindfolded game you’ve probably played in school, this naughty spin has one partner who thinks of something they want their partner to do, sexually, and can only use “hot, hotter, cold, colder” to help their partner navigate to the right area or action.
-> Create a Fantasy
Partners discuss a specific erotic fantasy they want with each other, then they do it.
-> May I?
Partners ask if they can do certain things in the “Mother, May I?” game fashion.
Photo Credit © Sssh.com